I have a huge fascination towards colours. I’ve always fell in love with rainbows and all different tones we can possibly find in this world. This huge diversity is so gorgeous, it takes my breath away, I tend to be a very colourful person myself.
I feel red while angry, shades of pink while in love, blue when thoughtful, green when feeling out-of-place, purple when near people I love and are dear to me, tints of orange while smiling and happy, yellow all of the times I’m nervous…and all of them at the same time while having a super exciting moment that I can’t hold myself!
Sometimes, I lose all of my shades and turn to its absence. Since my darkness is already inside of me, just waiting to show its face, I come to what I tend to call, “grey days” and those are tough to be dealt with. Specially, if you have “it”. Grey is a pretty colour, one of those tones you can’t decide whether is dark or bright, an in-between state, a very confusing one I must say.
Who isn’t familiar with such a thing, grey days are those moments when scenarios, people, and even the things we tend to love the most lose its sparkle. Everything seems dull and it doesn’t matter how much you try to, it’s incredibly difficult to let the light shine through and paint it up again.
It’s painful and every single one of us have had, at least, one day like that. In certain occasions, all we need is to distract our minds for a bit, while life happens and covers up our greyness again, leaving it behind until it wakes up and says “Hey you, that’s me, your old friend”. For people like me, which its personal rainbow and colour palette contain black, it’s deeper and takes more than a few hours or days to tint it back to all of the shades.
You may find impossible to do it alone, but do not despair. You are not alone, I feel that too. Writing this post is actually one of my few techniques to try to release this pressure off a little bit, because you know, I’m actually having a bunch of those grey days right now – I personally think it takes a whole deal of guts to dig deeper inside of yourself and find this side, I’ve learnt to embrace mine in the hardest way and still surprises me how I haven’t gotten used to it completely. I’m still learning and a human like anyone else. It would be so much easier to be a replicant, wouldn’t it? – The struggle is, indeed, real.
In the words of one of my favourite ever characters:
There’s a rainbow out there in each one of us, we need to look inside and reach out to it.
At least, I believe so.